i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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