Kareoke will never be a sober sport
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
