Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
