onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize