i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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