I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
