I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
