I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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