did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
