I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
