I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
