we're making bets on your personal life
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
