everyone is single if you try hard enough
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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