just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
