i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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