My nipple is on Facebook.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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