fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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