I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
