On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
