Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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