Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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