Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
