I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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