I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
