im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
