I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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