I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
In America we eat man semen.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
