More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
