So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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