I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
