I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
