Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
