i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
