Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize