Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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