is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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