He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
