About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
