Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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