We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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