A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
