there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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