The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize