Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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