I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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