we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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