just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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