next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize