just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
