It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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