so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
