I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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