hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize