he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
