I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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