You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My vagina just clenched in fear
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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