he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Can vaginas get frostbite?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
