Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
