how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
