Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize