I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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