1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
