They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No subtext here. People are naked.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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