he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
