There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
