if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
