so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize