You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
