he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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