He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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