the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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