So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
