Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
