Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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