I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
