My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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