Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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