I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
