i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
