I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
