He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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