We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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