Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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