Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
