Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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