why didn't you poke me back
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
