don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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