so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
