so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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