it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize