somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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