We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
is it fun? or sober?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
