I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
