just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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