Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
