Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
