She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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