i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
