I could make wine with my vomit
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
