We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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