Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
