This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
