Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
