I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
